Cry To Me
by Marie del a Meer
Summary: Doug and Susan have a chance meeting that leads to ramifications...set at the end of Season 2. DougSusan MarkSusan
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Cry To Me

**Author: **Marie del a Meer

**Summary: **A chance meeting between Doug and Susan has ramifications...

**Disclaimer: **I don't own ER or any of the characters.

**Rating: **M (Sex!!!)

**A/N: Set somewhere around _Fevers of unknown origin_ and _Take these broken wings_ (Season 2) Carol and Shep are on the rocks. Mark and Jen slept together moments after making their divorce final. Doug was seeing Karen, a woman who had been involved with his father- she doesn't exist for the purposes of this story. Susan has just lost Susie.**

Susan sat on a stool at Jake's, the closest pub to her apartment. She had come here a few times in the last month. She was trying not to make a habit of it, but there is only so much talking you can do. When you realise that even after you have finished talking that you still have pain and feel empty at the same time, alcohol is not the worst solution. The way it burns the back of your throat and warms your stomach is a band aid for feeling empty and inebriation does wonders for pain. Susan justified all of this to herself while finishing her fifth bourbon.

Susie had been gone for almost two weeks. _She would have had her first birthday by now_, Susan couldn't help but remember. She was so far away. Susan wondered if Susie would know she was gone. Did Susie identify Susan as her mother, or would she feel better now that Chloe was back?

Therapy was helping, just not enough. Susan considered herself to be a private person. She was continuing to tell Mark that everything was fine but it wasn't. _How could you go back to just having your work when you had know something so much better?_ She had always felt lonely, but before Susie she had never been conscious of just how lonely she had felt and for how long.

_I'll be fine. I'm always fine_. Susan kept lying. She wasn't fine. She wasn't always fine.

Helping people who are sick, while it may be a noble pursuit, it takes so much out of you. Some days she felt that the human species was doomed because everyone around her seemed to be sick or dying. Maybe this was her warning, a divine sign that she had to get a life, one that didn't just involve working.

There was Bobby, Hayden, Kieran, Macca, Jake, Chris, Ronnie... and those were just the one's Susan could remember, Chloe had been in so many bad relationships and yet she had maintained a kind of hope that she would meet someone. Susan on the other hand had practically given up. _I don't know how she can set herself up for disappointment. It just makes me feel more disconnected._ It had been so long since she had dated anyone... Div was her last boyfriend and that was what... a year and a half ago? _And that wasn't exactly a healthy relationship anyway_.

The bartender was zipping past her constantly. He was maybe forty, skinny, a couple of taatoos on his shoulders, maybe a better looking version of Steve Buscemi. He had been making small talk with her every so often. He made eye contact with Susan, "Another?" he asked.

"Sure," Susan nodded.

He smiled and winked at her, before getting her drink. It was a very inviting look. Susan couldn't help but consider his silent offer... _Am I really that desperate?_

He sat the new glass in front of her. She began to sip her drink slowly. She looked at her watch, it wasn't even nine o'clock yet.

"Susan?" a familiar voice came out of no where.

Susan glanced around. It was Doug. He walked over and sat on the stool next to her. Susan wanted to hide, there was a certain amount of anonymity that she craved, especially from people at work.

"What are you doing here?" Doug asked, even though it seemed pretty obvious.

His question annoyed her, "Going to an AA meeting." She drawled. _What does it look like_.

Susan's eyes weren't as focused as they could have been. She wasn't far away from being trashed. "How many of those have you had?" Doug asked.

Susan couldn't keep the annoyance out of her voice, "You know, I'm a big girl Doug, why don't you get back to your date." She hated being treated like a child.

"It's not a date," Doug clarified, "I'm just meeting a woman here for drinks, but she's late."

"Sorry to here that," Susan stated insincerely.

Doug shrugged, "I don't really feel like it anyway."

Susan eyed him suspiciously, _since_ _when was Doug not in the mood to do anything involving women and drinking_.

"How about we go for a walk..." Doug suggested, trying not to make it sound too much like he thought she was drunk and was trying to take her home, which he was, but he didn't want her to think that.

Doug could see Susan was genuinely struggling. He suspected that she would be, Susie was the most important thing in Susan's life and to just have her taken away so fast, couldn't be easy. He expected her be hurting, but hadn't seen any evidence of it at work. _She certainly was discrete._

"I'm fine."

"You have bourbon at home, right?" Doug quizzed her.

"Yeah, so?" _What is he getting at?_

"But you came to a bar to drink bourbon."

"So?" Susan didn't see his point.

"Why come out?" Doug questioned her, then told her the answer, "You wanted to be around people. Maybe talk. But here you are, sitting... all alone." He glanced up at her from raised eye brows, a small smirk on his face.

"I'm fine," Susan repeated testily. _She really didn't feel like being psychoanalysed_.

"How about we go back to your place," Doug suggested.

Doug suddenly had her full attention. _Was that a come on?_

As Doug realised how that statement sounded, he rushed on to clarify, _"_That way we can drink bourbon and not pay so much for it... and we can talk."

"Like I want to talk to you," Susan groaned, the edges of her mouth tweaked upwards betraying her improving mood.

"Why not?" Doug wasn't at all offended. Actually the more she resisted the more he was sure this was the right thing to do.

"Oh, I don't know, because you're the biggest gossip at County." Susan mocked him.

"Then we can just drink." Doug gave her one of his best boyish charm smiles, "Come on." He held out his arm.

Susan acquiesced, getting off her stool. Her bar tab was 30 dollars, which meant she had had about six standard drinks. _Not bad for someone her size_, thought Doug, as he steered her towards the door. As he pushed open the door, warm air reached their faces, it was a mild night.

"So you're just going to stand her up?" Susan spoke.

"What?" Doug was confused.

"The woman... drinks," Susan reminded him. _Doug was unbelievable._

Doug shrugged, "Guess it just wasn't meant to be."

"Do you ever feel bad about all the women that you string along?"

"What is it, attack Doug night?"

_Forget paeds, deflection with jokes was Doug's specialty. _"Seriously?" Susan pressed.

Doug half shrugged, "Not really" he admitted nonchalantly.

Susan shook her head. "Just don't care?" Susan said calmly.

"They are willing participants, and..." Doug trailed off.

"And what?" Susan sought an honest response.

Doug turned to her making solid eye contact, "It's not like they don't know what they're getting."

Susan tossed the thought around. _Maybe it's not for me to judge._

"You think I'm a bastard?" Doug chuckled.

Susan shrugged. "Well, _I_ wouldn't date you," she deadpanned.

Doug didn't really want Susan, but it annoyed him that she said that. He decided to change the subject. "So Mark's made the divorce final."

"Yeah, I think so."

"What do you think about that?" Doug decided to go fishing. He had never been in the position with Susan because he had never seen her drunk, well... when he wasn't more drunk.

"I don't think anything about it. It's got nothing to do with me." Susan's tone was a little too defensive.

"I'm not saying you caused it. You didn't," Doug assured her. "I meant, do you think Mark is okay?" he clarified.

Susan kept her tone even, "He was pretty mad for a while there, but he seems to be moving on now." She paused momentarily then decided to say what was on her mind, "I just hope that Jen won't shut him out of Rachael's life."

"You think she'd do that?" Doug asked.

"She might. She's always been..." Susan searched for the right word, or the less offensive version of the right word, "a bit controlling."

Doug chuckled.

"What?" Susan turned to him, she had felt that was a fair comment, she wasn't trying to be nasty.

"No, it's just, I never liked Jen. I've always thought she was too controlling as well." Doug wasn't going to ask but he couldn't help himself. "Do you like Jen?"

"Well, I'm not on her Christmas card list, if that's what you mean," she said conveying no sadness whatsoever.

"Ah, but do you like _her_?" Doug ventured.

"I just wish she'd just stop trying to force Mark into her mould, you know," her statement was a little more frustrated than it needed to be. _It doesn't matter now, anyway._

Doug couldn't help but note Susan's reason for disliking Jen was based on her treatment of Mark, not on the open hostility he had seen Jen display towards Susan.

"Talk about whipped." Doug joked. He gave her a sly look, "He's happy when he's with you." Doug was always willing to test the water.

Susan didn't answer him, instead opting for an; _I know where you're going with this_ look.

Doug decided to at least float the idea, "Have you ever thought about it... with Mark?"

Susan shrugged, "I don't know." She was well aware that she was lying, but it really wasn't any of Doug's business.

"I know he's thought about it with you." Doug prodded around for her soft spot. _Continental drift moves faster than these two._

Susan felt uncomfortable that Doug was trying to have this conversation with her, mostly because he knew so much.

They finally reached Susan's building. As she let them in, Doug took in his surroundings. He had only been here a couple of times, and it _was_ usually a little untidy, but now her apartment was a lot messier than Doug had ever seen it. Clothes were strewn all over the place, dishes were still in the sink and empty bottles sat on the coffee table. Susan went to the kitchen, while Doug made himself cosy on her couch.

Unfortunately Susan didn't have as much bourbon left as she had thought. _Oh, well,_ she was half pissed already. She poured two Beam and Cokes. Doug took his gratefully. Neither one of them were talking about Susie, the proverbial elephant in the room.

"So you and Mark?" Doug began coyly.

"There's no me and Mark." Susan corrected.

"He's newly single, God knows since when he's been with anyone but Jen... you should do the divorcee a favour..."

"Doug." Susan was exasperated. _That wasn't the kind of relationship they had._ "Not everything is about sex you know."

"No, just everything good." Doug didn't really mean it, he was just riling her.

Susan decided to turn the tables, "So, you and Carol?"

"That's not funny." Doug smirked at her and he took a big gulp of his drink. _Change the subject._ "I know this aerobics instructor. I'm going to set her up with Mark." Doug looked at Susan trying to see what she thought of that.

She laughed. "I don't think Mark would date an aerobics instructor."

"Who said anything about dating," Doug joked.

"Why do you take it upon yourself to meddle in Mark's love life? Don't you have enough going on yourself?" Susan teased.

"I can always handle more." Doug smiled knowingly at Susan. It was the first time it really occurred to him that he was flirting with her.

Susan had beautiful eyes. They were large, up sloping and green, which he liked. Her skin looked soft, though he had never touched it. Susan wasn't as beautiful as Carol, but she was an attractive woman. He tended not to pay attention to her though, because, as a friend put it, "you don't sleep where you eat." _That, and because Susan was Mark's_. Doug knew that Mark was in love with her however, Susan's feelings for Mark were more ambiguous. Doug was sure Susan had strong feelings for Mark whether her love was more platonic than passionate he didn't know.

Susan poured the last two ounces or so of bourbon into their glasses. She and Doug had run out of things to toast, but clinked glasses anyway. She skulled her shot. _This was a whole new side of Susan... and he liked it._

They remained in a comfortable silence for some time. Susan was finally feeling delightfully numb. Her arms weren't so empty, she couldn't hear Susie crying.

Doug broke the silence, "I think it's a shame it worked out this way."

Doug's statement seemed a bit random. "What?" Susan asked.

"Susie... Chloe... I think she would have been better off here," Doug observed.

Susan stared off into space as she spoke, "I just worry, you know?"

"About what?" Doug asked. He knew, but wanted to hear her say it.

"That she'll go back to how she was... that she'll screw her up..." Susan shook her head, "I feel bad for saying it, I mean obviously she's turned it around, but I know her, and I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Doug put his arm around her shoulders, "It's out of your hands."

Susan looked up at him. It was a look of helplessness. She leaned back on the couch, and felt something pushing against her thigh. She looked down. She picked up a child's stuffed toy, it was a yellow bear. Susan had bought it for Susie when she was born. It was very soft, the texture was the main reason she had picked it. 'Bo Bear' was his name. Susan held the toy momentarily in her hand. Tears escaped from her eyes. It was too much. She hunched over and began to sob. She heaved so hard she couldn't breath. She felt Doug's arms around her, pulling her in tight.

He tried to calm her, to soothe her, but he didn't know what to do. He felt helpless. The best thing he could do was probably just to keep holding her until she stopped crying.

Doug was finding the whole experience very strange. Susan was literally falling apart in front of him, and he was thinking about how much he would like to bed her. _Maybe it was the whole 'maternal thing'_. Susan had always seemed a little cold and perhaps a little boring for his taste, but he had seen a change in her since she had been looking after Susie. She was warm, affectionate and well, happier, which he found damn sexy.

After about ten minutes Susan stopped sobbing. She felt terrible. Her eyes stung. She was a mess. She felt Doug's hands cupping her face, pushing her hair away from her eyes. He looked into her eyes. There was so much pain and loneliness there.

Susan leaned over and gently placed a kiss on Doug's lips. She pulled back a little way to judge his expression. He was blank, maybe surprised. Her eyes pleaded with him. _I want to forget. _Doug closed the distance between them, this time when their lips met he let his tongue explore her mouth. Doug began to kiss her with passion, she responded accordingly. Their kissing became frantic. Doug began undoing the buttons on Susan's shirt but it was taking too long so he ripped them off, discarding the shirt on the floor. She undid his tie and then started on his shirt, without breaking contact with his mouth. Her hands ran over his chest and back feeling his muscles flex. Doug pulled back, and stepped off the couch. Susan stopped. _We shouldn't be doing this_, she thought. Doug grabbed hold of her wrist and pulled her up and began leading her into the bedroom.

Doug pulled out a condom from his trouser pocket and sat in on Susan's bedside table. It was just as well, she doubted she had any. _He probably has condoms in every pair of pants he owns_.

Susan caressed Doug's body, trailing her hands down to the waist of Doug's pants. She unbuttoned and unzipped them, pulling them down. The age old question was answered, _Doug was a briefs man_.

Susan had only her bra and underwear still on. Susan's bra was white satin, which Doug was very pleased about. He loved the look of satin. He caressed her through the material. His other hand reached behind her to the clasp. In a single motion he unhooked the bra and slid it off her body. He took one of her nipples into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue until it hardened. His other hand worked on the other breast.

What Doug was doing to her felt incredible. Her hands clenched fistfuls of his hair. Gradually his lips moved further down her body, as did his hands. Susan felt his fingers slip under the waistband of her panties. She lifted herself up so he could slide them down her legs.

Doug looked on her naked body adoringly. He had a charming way about him that made you feel special. Susan was sure this is what most of Doug's women fell for. This 'specialness' tended to fade after Doug had gotten what he wanted though. _At least I know what I'm getting_.

Doug's fingers slowly made their way from her thighs to her warm centre. She spread her legs to allow him access. He slid two fingers into her. His mouth closed on her clitoris. She felt his tongue teasing her sensitive area. Her back arched in response to the sensations he was causing in her. Her breathing became louder and heavier. Doug moved his fingers inside her in coordination with his mouth. Susan felt the tension building inside her. His lips pressed on her clitoris, alternating the pressure, while his fingers dove deeper into her. She couldn't hold on any longer. She felt herself sit up partially as her body tightened around his fingers. She came.

Susan lay back, so she could catch her breath. Doug rolled over to lay next to her on his back. Some time passed before she looked over at him. He saw her looking at him and took it as a sign of readiness, he grabbed her hand and pulled her on top of him. He was smiling. She began to kiss his neck and feel her way down his chest. She trailed kisses on to his chest, while her hands rid him of his jockey shorts. Doug was well hung. She looked at his penis and then up at his eyes, she could see the pleasure in his face of her admiring his body. She took the head of his penis into her mouth. She allowed her tongue to tease the tip. One of her hands remained on the base of his shaft, while the other followed the movements of her mouth as she took him deeper. His fingers were in her hair guiding her head to him. She allowed her movements to become faster, she heard him moan, as his breathing became laboured. Doug felt himself getting close, he had to make her stop. Susan felt his hands grip her shoulders, he pulled her up. She lay on his chest. He pulled the condom from the nightstand giving it to her. She rolled it on to his erection. She raised herself up, Doug's hands were holding her hips. She eased her body onto his burning manhood. Their movements were slow to begin with, while she adjusted to him. His hands directed her hips, rocking her body on his. She felt wonderful. She felt full.

Her thrusting settled into his rhythm, with his hands to guide her. She felt his arms envelope her, pulling her down close to his chest. He rolled them, so that he was on top. Doug took over dictating their movements. He gradually increased his pace. He felt the pulsations of their bodies increase in frequency. He could feel her approaching climax. He eased off, slowing his thrusts. Susan's hands pressed his back, pulling him to her, trying to make him satisfy her. He was teasing her. He resumed kissing her mouth, her ear lobe, her neck. Her body settled down, and her breathing slowed. Doug took this as his cue to heat things up again. He pushed himself into her deeper. Her body responded accordingly, squeezing him tight. He picked up the pace, feeling his own orgasm growing. This time there was no denying her. He felt her whole body tense, her nails dug into his back. Doug leaned back as he thrust deeply a final time, feeling her body climax around him, which sent him over the edge. He felt his own body release.

It was probably the best sex she had ever had. Susan had never really been one for one night stands. She had never been able to disconnect emotional and sexual feelings, which made sleeping with strangers feel completely empty. Doug wasn't a stranger, but she didn't really feel that way about him.

Susan got the release that she needed. She could barely remember the last time she had had sex, let alone an orgasm. She laid very still for a long time allowing her breathing to return to normal. Doug rolled off her. Neither one of them spoke. Susan turned onto her side away from Doug. It hit her why it felt hollow, she wanted to be held. Her empty arms were starting to ache. She looked back over her shoulder at Doug who was staring at the ceiling. He turned his head towards her. She laid her body against his, and pulled his arm around her waist, so that they were spooned against one another.

Doug held Susan because she wanted him too. But, he felt a little awkward. It was a lie, because they weren't lovers. He thought about waiting until she fell asleep so he could leave. _She's lonely_._ She probably needs this more than she wanted to have sex_. He stayed. Besides, it was nice to fall asleep holding a woman in your arms. It felt safe.

**A/N: Any feedback would be appreciated. Criticism is fine, I'm trying to improve.**


	2. Chapter 2

Susan sat up. Her head was pounding mildly. There was no one to blame for that one but herself. She did and didn't regret the previous night. It was nice to have company, it had been a really long time since she had been intimate with anyone, but on the other hand Doug wasn't the best choice. They still had to work together.

"Well, good morning Susan." Doug spoke. He looked awfully chipper.

"Morning." Susan sat up, keeping her body covered with the sheet. They remained silent a bit longer, neither of them really knowing what to say. She finally spoke, "I'll take the first shower." Susan didn't move.

Doug eyed her, trying to suppress a wry smile at her discomfort, "It's a little late for modesty," he reminded her.

She looked back at him and smiled coyly. It was actually refreshing that Doug was still Doug. He seemed pretty relaxed. Susan was somewhat relieved. The reason you don't sleep with people you work with is to avoid all the awkwardness that comes with it. She stepped out of the bed and went to her bathroom.

Doug watched her naked figure retreat. He listened for the sound of water running in the shower. Were this a usual 'date' he would probably go in and join her. Susan wasn't drunk now, and probably wouldn't think it was such a good idea. He was starting to feel bad that he didn't feel more guilty.

He glanced at the clock. It was seven am, luckily he wasn't on until ten. He glanced at the bathroom door...

Susan came out about five minutes later wrapped in a towel. Doug got up gathering his clothes from various locations on the floor and disappeared into the bathroom.

Doug strolled into Susan's living room wearing his clothes from the night before. His hair was still wet. Susan was in the kitchen standing over a fry pan.

"Have a seat," she called to him.

Doug hadn't planned to stay for breakfast, but he figured Susan wanted to talk to him more than she cared if he ate.

"Coffee?" She offered.

"Sure, thanks."

"When are you on?" she asked.

"Ten, you?"

"Eight." She replied. She placed a mug of hot coffee in front of him. "I put two sugars in it."

_She remembers how I take my coffee_. That certainly wasn't part of his normal morning after routine.

A couple of minutes later she set a plate in front of him.

"Chocolate chip pancakes." Susan announced. She handed him some cutlery.

Doug smiled. It was a sweet gesture. "Thank you."

They began eating in comfortable silence.

"These are really good." Doug commented. He couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Thanks... why do you seem so shocked?" She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, I don't know. If I had known you were so domesticated..." he trailed off, realising this wasn't where the conversation should be going.

Susan finished for him, "You would have stopped by for breakfast sooner?" She was somewhat amused.

Doug looked up meekly from his pancakes and tried to smile.

Susan glanced over at Doug, she looked pensive. "I don't think we should tell Mark... or anyone else for that matter." Her expression was serious. Her eyes were wide.

"My lips are sealed." Doug was almost tickled at her discomfort.

That wasn't all that reassuring. Susan wasn't convinced Doug was capable of keeping a secret.

When Doug finished eating he got up to leave. Susan followed him, not quite sure what she was doing or what she wanted. Doug was about to walk out the door when he stopped and turned to her. Neither of them really initiated it, they leaned in and kissed. Doug's tongue found Susan's again. It only lasted five seconds, but had a lot of feelings poured into it. It could have felt awkward but it wasn't, it just said thank you and goodbye.

"It's going to be okay, Susan." Doug told her sincerely. He squeezed her arm briefly and left.


	3. Chapter 3

The patient traffic had ebbed and flowed over night, and by eight it was quiet. Mark sat filling out charts in the doctor's lounge, snacking on chocolate. He was ready to go to sleep, unfortunately he was on until 4pm. Susan came in, she looked brighter than she had in weeks.

"Hi Susan," he smiled at her.

When Susan saw him, she did a double-take, "Oh, hi Mark." She smiled back uncomfortably. She put her jacket in her locker and pulled out her lab coat.

He motioned her over to where he was sitting. "I was thinking about renting a movie or something tonight, I thought maybe we could hang out?" Mark tried to sound casual and unrehearsed, of which he was neither.

"Um, ah, sure that would be nice." Susan said, though she didn't seem at all sure of herself.

"Good." Mark was a little put off by her uneasiness, but she had said yes. "What time do you finish tonight?" He asked.

"Eight," She replied.

"Here," Mark offered Susan the bag of M&M's he was eating from.

"Oh no thanks, I've already had too much chocolate."

"It's 8 am. You ate chocolate for breakfast?" Mark teased.

"Chocolate chip pancakes. Believe me, I don't need anymore sugar." Susan smiled. "I'll see you... I don't know eight thirty my place?"

"Sounds good." Mark's replied enthusiastically. His apartment was bare and not very welcoming. He much preferred to do things at Susan's place.

She trotted out of the room. She was grateful that she would spend the evening with Mark.

The next two hours breezed past. A trauma came in followed by some quick medical cases. Mark had only seen Susan walk past a couple of times. He hoped she didn't notice him staring. _She is beautiful_. She was always beautiful, but he couldn't help but think that her beauty shone when she was happy and relaxed.

Doug surprised himself when he got to work a full twenty minutes early. Mark was standing at the admitting desk rubbing patient names off the board. He looked up and smiled when he saw Doug.

"You got time for a coffee," Mark asked.

Doug glanced down at his watch, "Well, I'm technically not on for another eighteen minutes, so sure."

"Meet you at Magoos," Mark called out, he was on his way to the doctors lounge. He exchanged his lab coat for a jacket.

Doug felt a little nervous, he was sure Mark didn't know about him and Susan, I mean how could he? But he was worried that sitting here with Mark was going to make him... jumpy.

Doug ordered them both a coffee, and tried to wait patiently. Mark joined him a couple of minutes later.

Mark sat in the booth facing Doug.

"Oh, so I guess your date went well last night," Mark said casually.

"Ah, what's makes you say that," Doug chuckled uncomfortably.

"You weren't home when I called you this morning," Mark said casually.

"Ah, yeah, it went well." _Get me out of this conversation now! _

"So... are you gonna see her again?" Mark wasn't used to extracting information out of Doug, normally he told Mark more than he really wanted to hear.

"I don't think so," Doug lied. _Change the subject._ "So what's on your mind."

"What makes you think I need to talk?" Mark hoped he wasn't that transparent.

"You seem nervous, is everything okay, buddy?" Doug asked.

"I did a stupid thing," Mark began, he had lowered his voice as if he were afraid someone on the next table would care.

Doug waited for Mark to continue, "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think." _I'm the King of dumb things, and if only you knew, we wouldn't be having this conversation_, Doug thought.

"I slept with Jen." Mark looked into Doug's eyes to gage his reaction.

Doug furrowed his brow, this was definitely not what he was expecting. "I thought you finalised the divorce."

"We did, but we also..." Mark seemed pretty guilty.

"Alright I get the picture... so what's the big deal?" _Please don't say you're getting back together with Jen._

"I just feel bad about it." Mark sighed. He was annoyed at himself, "She's the one that did the cheating and I feel bad." Mark shook his head, "I don't even like Craig, but I feel bad, because I know what it's like to be lied to."

Doug never ceased to be amazed at how moral Mark was. "You feel sorry for Craig, the guy who was banging your wife for what... six months... a year?"

Mark shrugged then with a cool confidence said, "I'm not a cheat."

Now Doug felt _really_ guilty, but it wasn't obvious externally "Mark, you said good bye. You were with Jen for fifteen years, you were letting her go. No one's going to fault you for that." Doug gave sound advice.

"Maybe you're right." Mark conceded. "I'm sorry to do this to you, I usually reserve this stuff for Susan, but I felt too guilty to tell her."

"You feel like you cheated on her?" Doug's expression was slightly odd, amused and also uncomfortable.

Mark nodded, "Kind of."

"I think Susan would understand, but to be honest I don't see why you have to tell her, you're not dating."

"You're right, Susan is dealing with so much right now, I'm worried about her."

"She seems okay to me." If Doug were being honest he would say that he knew she was not okay, but he didn't want to have to clarify how he knew that.

"She seems fine today, but I think she's pretty depressed, she won't talk to me though." Mark seemed genuinely concerned.

Doug tried to get Mark to relax. "I thought she was seeing a shrink, she's probably telling him her problems," he said casually.

"I know..." Mark was somewhere between annoyed and sad.

_Let me get this straight_, thought Doug, "_You_ want her to _want _to talk to you?"

"Yeah," Mark sighed. He felt vaguely pathetic.

"She's pretty lonely, just invite yourself over, spend some time with her." Doug made it sound like that was easiest thing in the world, and for him it probably was.

"I feel so sorry for her." Mark reflected, "She loved that baby."

"She has to grieve, comfort her, support her, that's all you can do. When she's ready for something more, she'll let you know." Doug encouraged.

Mark spoke honestly, "I'm just afraid that she doesn't want something more with me."

That sat in silence for a few moments. Mark was brooding about Susan, perhaps hoping Doug would jump in with some comment about 'Don't worry Mark, Susan does want you.' Doug on the other hand felt very uncomfortable. If it turned out that Susan really wasn't interested in Mark, he was going to feel very guilty, because he saw no way to ever tell him.

The waitress came over.

Mark perused a menu, "I'm hungry, do you want something?"

"No thanks, I had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast," Doug mentioned casually.

Mark's whole face dropped. He wasn't entirely sure of what his first thought was, he just had a sinking feeling. He wanted to believe that it was a coincidence, "What did you say?" Mark tried to remain neutral.

Doug stopped in his tracks, looking up at Mark. The answer was there in Doug's face. He looked guilty as hell. Doug had been acting a little weird and Susan definitely seemed to feel guilty about something, and the pancakes were like alarm bells going off in his head.

Mark's expression turned to one of anger, disappointment and hurt. _Mark knew_. _Oh, shit_. _Deny it_. "It's not what you think," Doug panicked.

When a person is so overcome with strong emotion like anger, they can become quiet and oddly calm, it's almost a state of shock, or maybe it's just the calm before the storm. Mark felt ready to explode, but he didn't. He spoke in a low and venomous tone, "I don't want to hear it Doug."

Fumbling, Mark dropped a bill on the table to cover his coffee, then he stood up and left. _What do you expect from Doug?_

"Mark, Mark it wasn't like that," Doug stammered. Doug followed him out the door, still trying to justify what happened. "It wasn't like that, Mark. I ran into her, she was upset, I was trying to comfort her."

"I'm sure she was very _comforted_." Mark said sarcastically.

"You know this is pretty big of you, sitting here telling me that you slept with Jen." Doug was raising his voice now.

"You _know_ how I feel about Susan." Mark hissed at him. He felt so angry, but kept his voice low. _This isn't the time or the place._

"Does Susan know that?" Doug stated.

Doug's last question caught Mark off guard. Even if Susan didn't know, it should have been enough that Doug knew how he felt. Mark started yelling, "If you want to root the entire female population of Chicago, go ahead. But, as a friend, you should have known... Susan was off limits."

Mark stalked down the ambulance bay and through the double doors. He stormed over to the doctor's lounge, threw his coat back in his locker. He picked up another five charts at admitting.

Susan came up behind Mark, she began writing some details on the board. She smiled at him, then she saw Mark's expression. She instantly knew that he knew. Neither of them spoke. _What could I possibly say?_ Susan thought. She felt sick. Mark stood completely still, looking at her, his eyes he were disappointed in her, and hurt. As if she had just proved to her mentor that she wasn't worthy of him, the time and effort that had gone into training her, only to have her fail. It had taken years to build their relationship to the level of respect and intimacy they shared, and a second to throw it all away.

Susan could take it anymore. She lowered her head and started down the hall. She found the women's toilet. She locked herself in a stall. She began dry reaching into the bowl. She threw up the pancakes. The irony was lost on her. When she finally had her feelings under control, she was exhausted and sore from all the heaving. She leaned her head against the wall.

Mark did his job, no more, no less. He just wanted his shift to end. The nurses were giving him funny looks. Conni and Haleh had witnessed the exchange at admitting between Susan and Mark and were unsure of exactly what had transpired between them. They soon ran into Lydia. She had been taking a cigarette break, and had seen Mark and Doug yelling at each other. She had been too far away to hear what they were saying, but the body language had been very telling. Doug had wronged Mark and he was pissed about it. She relayed this information to the others. They were about to start a bet about what the fight was about, but they all had concluded that Doug had probably slept with Susan. Just as they were all joking about it Carol came over to the desk.

"What's up guys?" Carol asked.

They all stopped talking and stared guiltily back at her. Carol furrowed her brow, she figured they were probably gossiping about her.

"What?" She challenged. With Shep grieving the way he was with so much anger, she just didn't need people at work talking crap about her as well.

"We weren't talking about you Carol," Haleh told her the truth.

"Really, then what's so interesting." She stared back, eyebrow cocked, arms crossed.

"Doug and Mark had a big fight and we were trying to guess why." Lili told a half truth.

Carol was taken aback by this answer. The others nodded, assuring her that this was the truth. _This place is so immature it drives me nuts at times_.

Carol decided that rather than investing in gossip she would seek out Doug and find out what was actually going on. She couldn't find him, but she did see Mark. Mark had anger emanating from his being. He looked ready to punch something.

Carol assisted him with his current patient. He was providing care adequately, and wasn't being too short with the patient, it was just his aura that said _back off_. Carol explained what was going on to the patient, so that Mark wouldn't have to. He seemed grateful.

Carol caught sight of Doug in Exam 4. He was examining a little boy's throat. He saw her out of the corner of his eye. He refocussed on the little boy.

Doug pulled out the tongue compressor, "Okay Connor, it looks like you have a case of strep throat." Then to his mother, "I'll write you a prescription for oral antibiotics, does your son have any allergies?"

When Doug was finished he came out of the room. Carol was standing outside restocking the shelves of the drug locker.

"What's going on with you and Mark?" Carol asked, trying not to sound as interested as she was.

Doug couldn't make eye contact with her. "Oh, um."

She decided to push, "Does it involve me in some way?"

"No," Doug said honestly.

Carol didn't want to be deflected so she asked him pointedly, "What did you do Doug?"

_Honesty was one thing Carol had always said she wanted from me_. Doug continued to look at his feet. Carol had stopped what she was doing and was waiting for his response.

Doug glanced up at Carol momentarily. In his soft but calm voice he said, "I slept with Susan."

**A/N: More soon.**


	4. Chapter 4

Shock registered on her face. This was definitely not the news Carol was expecting. There was nothing to say. Carol turned around and walked away.

"It wasn't like that, Carol." Doug began to chase after her and decided there was no point. In the moment it hadn't really felt like the wrong thing to do, and Susan didn't seem at all upset. Carol was dating another guy, so it wasn't really fair for her to judge him. He figured he could understand Mark being pissed off though.

After Carol's initial surprise she guessed she wasn't that shocked. _Susan was miserable and lonely and Doug was... well Doug. _It bothered her though.

Carol had been going about her work, but had been keeping an eye out for Susan, who was nowhere to be found. Considering what had happened, she suspected Susan would either be hiding on the roof or in the bathroom.

Carol went to the toilets. "Susan?"

She could see her shoes peeking out from one of the stalls.

"Does everybody know?" Susan asked quietly.

"Probably," Carol was frank.

"Oh, God." Susan felt like she was going to be sick again.

"It'll blow over. Everyone just likes a bit of gossip." Carol was nonchalant.

Susan's asked honestly, "Do you hate me?"

"No." Carol spoke honestly.

"Mark hates me," Susan sounded so dejected.

"I think he just needs time to cool off," Carol tried to assure her.

"Maybe," Susan sounded numb.

Perhaps Carol wasn't as big a person as she thought she was. She couldn't help herself, "Were you drunk?"

"Not so drunk that I didn't know what I was doing," Susan drawled, "But drunk enough to think it was a good idea." She rested her head in her hands, pulling her hair back from her face. _Could today get worse?_

Carol found that answer comforting. "It happens. Believe me I know, Doug has this way of getting you to do things..."

Susan cut her off, "He didn't seduce me," Susan made clear. "I... I just didn't want to be alone last night," her tone was now subdued.

"I think Mark's upset that you went to Doug and not him." Carol spoke evenly and she was sure, the truth.

Susan was defensive, "I didn't _go_ to Doug, I ran into him."

"You _know_ Mark is in love with you, right?" Carol stated matter-of-factly.

Carol's statement was met with silence. After what seemed like a long time Susan refelcted, "Yeah, I guess I did know that."

"Give him time. Then go talk to him," Carol suggested.

"Carol," Susan finally unlocked the stall door and came out. She looked pale. "Thanks."

Carol smiled at her, then turned and left. She was a little surprised herself at how nice she was being, but then perhaps it was because she understood it better than they did. Considering what had happened to Susan, she could hardly blame her for seeking comfort in someone she knew. _I would have preferred it if she had sought out Mark_. Doug, on the other hand wasn't emotionally invested in sex. For him sharing personal things about himself was much more intimate than hitting the sheets, and for that reason he probably couldn't comprehend how much he had really hurt Mark. He gave Susan something she needed when she needed it. _They're not dating, they're not in love. End of story_.

Mark finished work. He had successfully avoided Doug and Susan for the rest of his shift. He went home. He felt crappy and didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, so he just sat on his couch, with the lights in his apartment off.

He couldn't stop trying to imagine what had happened between Doug and Susan last night. He wanted the details, and then he felt sick at himself, that he would want to know.

He was starting to feel that his anger to the whole thing was irrational. If he were being honest he would admit that knowing Doug had been with Susan made him feel insecure. Doug had a lot of experience to put it _mildly_. Mark had only ever been with Jen, well and that TV lady. He didn't really think of himself as the romantic, passionate lover. He had other qualities, better qualities. He loved Susan, he respected her, he would be faithful and never use her. _Aren't those the things that are truly important?_ _And then she sleeps with Doug?_

Maybe he had overreacted. Susan and Doug are both single adults if they want to sleep together, that's their right. Susan may not know that he loves her, and even if she did know, maybe she just isn't interested. She didn't do anything wrong. Doug couldn't claim that excuse. _I'm a hypocrite_, Mark conceded. He slept with Jen, when he _did _know it was cheating.

There was a knock at the door. Mark turned on a lamp so he could find his way to the entrance.

"Who is it?" He called.

There was no answer, but more knocking.

Mark checked the eyehole. It was Susan. He was surprisingly happy to see her.

He opened the door. "Hi," he almost whispered.

She looked up at him, she looked genuinely sorry, "Hi," she sounded pensive. Susan waited a moment, "Can I come in." For a split second she thought Mark might slam the door in her face. She was relieved when he didn't.

"Sure," Mark acquiesced. Mark stepped back allowing Susan to enter.

"If you would just let me explain," Susan began, she spoke faster than normal, as if she expected him to cut her off any second now. "It was a chance meeting, we were drinking, I was lonely. It was just... a bad idea." She was lying in the sense that she didn't regret it. But she didn't want to pursue a relationship with Doug, so it really didn't matter.

Mark was calm and somewhat glum, "You don't owe me an explanation."

She insisted, "I feel like I do."

Mark sighed, "I don't think I was being fair before, to you. You're allowed to see anyone you want."

"I'm not seeing Doug. But you're right, I am allowed to see whoever I want, but I still feel bad."

"Because of me?" Mark stated calmly.

"I'm not blind Mark, I worked out how you feel about me... and... I feel the same way about you." Susan looked him in the eye as she spoke, so he could see she was speaking the truth.

Mark didn't spend as much time rejoicing as he thought he would at Susan telling him in not so many words that she wanted to be with him. "Then why didn't you come to me?"

"I have never felt as terrible as I have these past few weeks," Susan began. "Susie made me realise that before I had no idea what was important or what happiness was, and now that I know, it is so much harder to get out of bed knowing that she isn't here." She sighed, "I feel so empty."

Mark listened intently.

"I was miserable. Doug offered me some comfort. _I_ wanted to take it further." Susan wanted to clarify that she had been the initiator. "Mark," Susan exhaled loudly, "I wasn't sure that I could handle a relationship right now." Her voice became softer, "That's why I couldn't go to you."

Susan tried to clarify what she meant, "It would never be just sex with you. And I didn't want to start something, if I wasn't going to follow through." Her beautiful green eyes stared up at him, "I couldn't do that to you."

Mark nodded. He didn't feel mad or so upset anymore.

"You know it's funny because it made me realise. What you and I have is really special. Our friendship." Susan spoke openly, "When I'm with you, I never feel alone."

_Friendship, oh God_. Mark felt crushed, "You want to be _just_ friends?" Was he confused? Hadn't she just said she felt the same way he did?

"No, I mean, sleeping with someone that you don't love is hollow, and it makes you end up feeling more alone." Susan stepped closer to him, "I want to be with you."

Mark felt happy. Doug was always Don Juan and got all the women he wanted. But, Susan didn't want Doug, she wanted him. Maybe, nice guys don't always finish last.

Mark pulled her into a hug. Susan felt so relieved. She had been terrified she had ruined their friendship and sabotaged any chance of a relationship with Mark. She buried her face in his shoulder. They stayed in that embrace for maybe a minute. When he finally pulled back, Mark was smiling. He leaned in and kissed her. It was chaste, but very sweet.

"Do you still want to rent a movie?" Mark asked.

She smiled, she thought she might cry. "Yeah."

**A/N: I was going to end it here. Do you think that's too abrupt? Are you waiting on a steamy Marsan sex scene? Should there be an ending scene between Carol and Doug? Feedback is appreciated, flames are fine.**


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